Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My dick has a subreddit
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
