Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
