There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Send help, water and tortillas.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
