Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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