Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
