Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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