her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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