so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
