Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
