that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
