before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
