I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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