I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
