; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
