I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
