he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
