Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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