Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
