My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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