I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
