I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
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