I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
