girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize