I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
