We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
