I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
