You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
