we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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