Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
