Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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