Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
