Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
