Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
