i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Little spoons don't ask big questions
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
