Barsexuality is the new black.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
