new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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