Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
