Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
