I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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