all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
