you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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