:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
