Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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