:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
