Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
