It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
