He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize