I want to make a zoo with you.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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