I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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