Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
