a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
