It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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