i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
