Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
