This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
