I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
