He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
