Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
