I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
