No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
