i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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