someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
