I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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