Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
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