i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
