Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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