so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
